you’re never going to believe this. My friend Katie calls me this morning: “do you know there’s a package addressed to you at our house?”… the postman used to be the manager at our local super market, Despar, and we call it despair because that is what it is, and this now-postman is to blame or so I like to believe. Anyhoo, lucky for me, this challenged guy left my package at my friend’s house and not at somebody else’s, so all is well that ends well.
I was very lucky because Sherri organized the swap and I ended up as her swap recipient, how cool is that? Sherri sent a box full of fun and lovely things among which: a pretty pendant with a sun, a notebook and a pencil, which I love because I’m always making lists and plans and nothing beats a notebook and a pencil for that. Also, two delicious lip balms, Sherri how did you know that I always have chapped lips?
Damiano was a very happy boy today when he came back from preschool and he found a new car waiting for him, he went crazy. As we speak he’s taking a nap with the car in bed with him. The dinosaur stickers are amazing and he hasn’t seen them yet. I’m planning on using them as bribing material. And Santiago loved his first book so much he wanted to eat it! It is a very sophisticated book about colors using Warhol’s illustrations. Very very cool.
I’m writing this just now because my falling ill with chickenpox coincided with my computer going bust, and today my computer resuscitated and I’m also feeling much better, thank you.
I will spare you of what I looked like during the peak of the disease. I couldn’t bear looking at myself and there’s no evidence. This is me today, rash on my face almost cleared, my hair a total mess (hasn’t been washed in 10 days, hasn’t been brushed in 6 days) and a bit of weight lost thanks to the graceful blisters in my throat. Oh, and for all of you who will come googling: “herpes in throat treatment” let me tell you, I ate a little bit of very spicy gulasch, because I was scared that not eating anything would make my milk dry up, so yes I decided to eat the mildest thing I could stumble on, and while it hurt as if I were swallowing shards sprinkled with razor blades, two hours later I had no pain whatsoever.
(update: 90 minutes and a barrel of conditioner later: I got my hair back to normal)
I must tell you, among the worst things in life, at least in my life, there is now chickenpox. Sleeping in polyester bedding has been bumped off the list.
Being sick is bad enough, being deformed by illness is awful, and having to nurse and care for a little ill and deformed and in excruciating pain baby, while the only thing that feels natural is to jump off a cliff: that is chickenpox.
Anyhow, pain is very useful, and I’m glad (ok, not glad but 1/10 glad) that I went through this because it helped me put things in perspective, like, how lucky I am to have medicines, and a bed, and a mother-in-law that came in every morning to clear up.
1. Where is your mobile phone? lost
2. Your hair? tumbleweed
3. Your mother? far
4. Your father? bohemian
5. Your favourite food? food
6. Your dream last night? crazy
7. Your favourite drink? G&T
8. Your dream/goal? understanding
9. What room are you in? livingroom
10. Your hobby? sewing
11. Your fear? irreversibility
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? pretty
13. Where were you last night? sick
14. Something that you aren’t? patient
15. Muffins? yes
16. Wish list item? armchair
17. Where did you grow up? Mexico
18. Last thing you did? mash
19. What are you wearing? sweatpants
20. Your TV? nonexistent
21. Your pet? kids
22. Friends? few
23. Your life? mess
24. Your mood? confused
25. Missing someone? grandpa
26. Vehicle? legs
27. Something you’re not wearing? thong
28. Your favorite store? ikea
29. Your favorite color? all
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? today
32. Your best friend? hubby
33. One place that I go to over and over? kindergarten
34. One person who emails me regularly? uhmmm
35. Favorite place to eat? coupole
36. Ears? blistered
37. Which soup? any
38. Why do you blog? memory
39. Skill you wish you had? telekinesis
40. Favorite trait in others? empathy
Yesterday this was the state of our living room. If you look closely, you can see that one of the sectional’s cushions has no cover, and the one that still has it is beige as opposed to the original color of the sofa which was ivory. That is was dirt. What you cannot possibly see is that every single square inch of this house is seething with the varicella zoster virus. And this is why yesterday I decided to wash all the covers and pillows and tidy up properly. Santiago was too kind to sleep the whole afternoon and Damiano went spazieren with his babysitter, not before thoroughly trashing the room.
You were still alive, in my dream. But I knew that you were to die soon, and I begged you not to leave me. I was angry because I knew that you would leave me anyway, but still I cried and I begged.
With you all my ties were severed. The ties that kept me together as a person, and the ties with the past, with the outer space of our alien family. Then I had to weave the ties again, to stop me from falling apart and being left there scattered around like a flung bucket of Lego. But some of them were impossible to weave and just kept fraying and died with you. Here I am, 4 and a half years later, still trying to unearth the strength that you sowed in me and get over the fact that you didn’t leave me, you simply died. And to remember that you didn’t leave me alone at all.